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Are you ready for some football? Week 7: Broncos at Patriots

6:42 p.m. – For preamble, see my Monday Night Football preview. I’m blogging from behind here since I left work a bit late. Game is underway . . .

Incidentally, the song “Are you ready for some football?” is specifically a MNF song. The title of my football live-blogs “Are you ready for some football?” applies to all games.

6:47 – How we roll on Mondays: The “magic” line that shows us TV viewers where the line of scrimmage has been marked is orange instead of blue, as is the case on CBS and Fox on Sundays. Also, the trio of Mike Tirico, Ron “Jaws” Jawaorski and Tony Kornheiser are taking us through the action. Kornheiser, whom I love on PTI, for some reason combs the six or seven hairs he still has above his left ear over the bald pate that is his noggin’ for the world’s most futile comb-over known to man. Why, Tony? You’re not fooling anybody. You don’t even bother to do this for PTI, so why here? Sigh.

6:51 – Broncos had a good drive going but fumble, and New England recovers. Let’s see what the Broncos defense has to offer this week.

6:56 – Field goal Patriots. The Broncos minimize the damage, I suppose, after a turnover. Thirty-one yarder makes it 3-0.

Jaws says, “You must take care of the football,” after the Broncos fumble. I love this phrase. I always picture a player, in full uniform, cradling the ball like a baby and singing it a lullaby. Everything is OK, ball. I’m here to take care of you!

7:05 – Fumble! Again! Patriots recover after kicking the ball about 30 yards downfield while trying to pick it up. A late hit against the Broncos puts the Pats in field goal range already.

“You could toast some marshmallows on his forehead,” Kornheiser offers, refering to an angry Broncos coach Mike Shanahan. He’s probably right, although Shanahan’s face is never not beet red.

7:19 – Took a break for dinner, though little happened in the interim. Patriots scored another field goal off the second turnover. Denver Punts. Patriots QB Matt Cassel gets sacked a couple of times. Three for the game, 22 on year so far compared with Brady’s 21 total for the season last year. Don’t fret, Matt. You’re much cuter than Tom, even if he’s the one dating a supermodel.

On a related note, a friend from Massachussetts somehow met or was acquainted with Brady’s backup-era girlfriend. I wonder if Cassel, now that he’s a starter, has already traded up.

7:33 – Touchdown Patriots! New England gets past the defense pretty easily. Hubby is telling our cats the Broncos suck, which they certainly do right now. We knew the defense was bad, but in the first few games the offense was good enough to overcome that. It isn’t doing much of anything now. We’re told Cutler injured a finger on the first snap, but that doesn’t seem to be the difference right now. Everybody’s just sort of flat. 12-0 Patriots.

7:45 – Tirico: “Cutler throws as pretty a ball as any in the league.”

Jay gives good spiral, but unfortch, he throws an interception and gets hit hard in the process.

7:50 – Kornheiser’s man-crush on Tom Brady is in full-effect. He can’t stop talking about the guy.

Defensive great for the Broncos Champ Bailey is out and hurt. Nothing is looking good. Also, Broncos are killing themselves on penalties. After pushing Cassel back into his own endzone, a Bronco grabs his face mask and turns a 3rd and long into 1st and 10. Sigh.

7:58 – Touchdown Patriots. This is getting ugly. 20-0 Patriots. Backup QB Patrick Ramsey is in for the Broncos. Double sigh.

8:03 – Ramsey gets hit as he’s throwing and the Patriots recover the ball. First half is almost over. Turning the channel over to Heroes for the moment. Hiro didn’t really stab Ando! It was a fake sword and fake blood! The world makes sense again.

8:25 – Back to the game. Cutler is back in. Sadly, over in Heroes land, it looks like David Anders is out.

8:33 – Touchdown Patriots. Randy Moss jumps into the crowd, among whom is what looks like a Vikings fan. Face painted purple, Viking horns, yellow braids — the works. Is he lost? The Broncos are. We’re back to Heroes. The latest baddie is a marionette maker/collector who can control people’s movements. Creepy.

8:41 – Claire is annoying (and stupid).

8:45 – Puppet man is playing a perverse form of Russian roulette, forcing Claire to shoot either her biological mom and her adoptive mom. All are expendable. Cruel? Yes. But there are so many characters on this show. Do we need this may blondes?

8:50 – Promo for Knight Rider. I can’t believe they brought this show back. I can’t believe it has beaten Pushing Daisies in the ratings. There is no justice in TV Land. Oh, Adoptive Mama shots Claire, knowing she will heal herself, which breaks her from the spell of puppet man, and Claire proceeds to knock him out. Well, done ladies.

Three seasons in, I’m still in awe of Zachary Quinto’s eyebrows.

8:58 – I liked emo Mohinder of past seasons much better than the current The Fly Mohinder. I thought his scales were going to take over his whole body after they first revealed them when he injected himself with abilities, but it looks like they don’t want to make him look too gross. I can appreciate that, but are we supposed to think that his asshat-ness is a reaction to the abilities, too, or just the natural evolution of a supporting character angling for more screen time?

9:06 – Heroes is over, so back to the slaughter. Hey, the Broncos just scored! 34-7 Patriots. Here comes the comeback! But seriously, folks, the Broncos need to be better than this. A newbie football fan such as myself is by definition a fair-weather fan. I may lose interest if they suck. On second thought, though, Hubby will continue watching, which means I’ll have to sit here watching them anyway.

9:22 – The press box trio is bored and talking up Cutler’s diabetes. According to them, it affected his personality, which is “back” now that he is getting treatment. These guys are lame. Kornheiser is much more fun on PTI, and his love for the Patriots much less annoying when Wilbon is there to cut him down to size.

9:26 – There are about 6 football minutes left, but I’m bored and signing off. Dont hate me, Broncos, but you’re not going to win this game and it’s going to be bedtime soon and I still have to clean the kitchen!


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